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The Etiquette of Illness: What to Say When You Can't Find the Words, by Sue Halpern
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What should I say when I hear that my friend has cancer? How can I help but not get in the way? How do I let my loved ones know what I need?
The Etiquette of Illness is a wise, encouraging, and essential guide to navigating the complex terrain of illness. This collection of anecdotes and insights will help those who feel awkward and unsure about responding to a friend, colleague, or relative who is suffering. The book is also for people who are ill and want to engage with their loved ones effectively. We read about a range of people who are dealing with chronic illness, doctor-patient communications, and end-of-life issues-and who are striving to find their way with awareness and compassion.
Drawing on her years of counseling people with serious illness, as well as her own experiences with cancer, Susan Halpern presents an insightful book of the utmost relevance for patients, their caregivers, and their family and friends - a group which will, at some point, include all of us.
- Sales Rank: #271067 in eBooks
- Published on: 2008-12-17
- Released on: 2008-12-17
- Format: Kindle eBook
From Publishers Weekly
Halpern, a psychotherapist, social worker and founder of the New York Cancer Help Program, shares here her considerable expertise on how best to comfort a close friend, colleague or relation who is living with a serious physical or mental illness. Practical suggestions are illustrated by compelling stories from her professional life, as well as from her own experiences after being diagnosed with low-grade lymphoma in 1995. Rather than focusing on what precise terminology to use, Halpern believes that what we say depends on the individual, the relationship and one's own self-consciousness. So long as the words come from the heart, it is the expression of true compassionate feeling that will be remembered by the recipient. In calming, well-crafted prose the author addresses a number of particular situations including advising friends on the importance of connecting with a physician who knows how to listen and talk to patients, less conventional ways of communicating with those who are dying and ways to effectively assist the chronically ill. She recounts the example of one helpful woman who drops off cooked food for an ill friend, but only stays to chat if her company is welcome rather than tiring. Of particular interest to parents will be Halpern's insightful chapter on talking to children about serious illness and death, in ways that are both truthful and as reassuring as possible. First serial to O: The Oprah Magazine.
Copyright � Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
"This is the most helpful book for hard times that I have read in years."
-- Bill Moyers
About the Author
Susan P. Halpern is a social worker and psychotherapist. She is the founder of the New York Cancer Help Program and a staff associate at the Commonweal Cancer Help Program. She lives with her husband, near their children and grandchildren in Berkeley, California. This is her first book.
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Don't buy this book if you are a Christian. You will be sadly disappointed.
By D. Meyer
As a born again Christian I was disappointed to read so many glowing reviews of this book. Consider yourself warned, the author speaks of universal healing energy and the universal spirit. She also discusses a healing circle with an altar in the center. She's big on chanting and meditation. When she discusses prayer she mentions positive thoughts, saying thanks to the universe that brought us together. On page 135 she quotes Meg speaking to a paralyzed woman who wanted to die and Meg's answer was "That is always a choice." "Meg gave here the freedom to find her own way and live." But I thought to myself what if she had chosen to find her own way and kill herself? The book comes across as saying don't try to talk someone out of it. Susan speaks of reassuring children that illness is fate. On page 197 the author quotes from a PBS special of a terminally ill man keeping pills in a drawer so that he could choose when to die. The author does not condemn that behavior. This is a direct quote from the author: "Sometimes when I think of a sick friend, instead of worrying and tensing up, I will send him or her a prayer. Some of you may call it a positive thought." And I think to myself who are you praying to? The sick person? Why don't you just call on the power of Almighty God to heal your friend? The universe doesn't heal -- God does. Not once in the entire book does she mention Jesus Christ, the son of God. But she mentions prayer wheels, meditation, chanting, and positive thoughts etc quite often. I wanted to write a review that I wish I had read before I bought the book. It deals with cancer, terminal illness, hospice,chronic illness, mental illness and more. I cannot imagine facing any of these without a firm faith in a loving God who promises us an eternal life of bliss after this hard, hard life is over if we just put our faith in His son Jesus and repent of our sins.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
An excellent book to learn what nobody ever speaks about
By Ilene
My friend was dying from pancreatic cancer and she called me with great excitement in finding this book! "Nobody knows what to say to me, they should all read this book, then they won't be afraid!", my dear friend said. I downloaded the book, and learned Nancy was right. The information in this book is invaluable, a pleasant and interesting read, and it made things easier to discuss knowing what and how to communicate honestly. Each person's experience will be different, but our love for those going through such difficult times is the same and this fabulous book will be your guide. Don't hesitate, I'm grateful to have read it.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By DKent
The title says it all - much needed book in time of illness/crisis.
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